


dear,

by snowkind



Series: Can You Hear Me? [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Cell Phones, Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Stony - Freeform, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6852646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkind/pseuds/snowkind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The phone gently vibrated against the table.<br/>A simple hum that brought the wood to life. </p><p>Steve rolled onto his side and blindly groped for the phone. He cracked an eye open, looked at the caller, then promptly closed his eye and set the phone back down.</p><div class="center">
  <p>[<i>Caller: Stark, Tony…</i>]</p>
</div><br/>His eyes flew open and he shot up from his bed, opening the phone and putting it to his ear in an uneven breath.<p>	“Ton—”</p>
            </blockquote>





	dear,

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a very short one-shot because one-shots seem to be the only thing I can actually finish... Oops!  
> This short takes place after the movie with Tony and the letter and the cell phone and AAAAAAAAAA  
> Stony makes me so sad ( T ~ T )
> 
> Anyways... I don't own any of the characters unless stated otherwise and I hope you enjoy reading!  
> Love,
> 
> May ( ˘ ³ ˘ )♥
> 
> P.S. The story is most likely embellished with various spelling errors and grammar issues... I tend to overlook a few things while writing and even re-reading! If you happen to spot any problems, please let me know so I may fix it! Thank you!

_Tony,_

_I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there._

_Steve_

* * *

The phone gently vibrated against the table.  
A simple hum that brought the wood to life.  
Steve rolled onto his side and blindly groped for the phone. He cracked an eye open, looked at the caller, then promptly closed his eye and set the phone back down.

[ _Caller: Stark, Tony…_ ] 

His eyes flew open and he shot up from his bed, opening the phone and putting it to his ear in an uneven breath.

         “Ton—” 

         “Goddammit! I was starting to think you’d never pick up. I almost lost faith in you and your alleged 24/7 delivery service. Granted, I doubt you’ve ever had to deliver pizza at this hour but do you _know_ who I am? I am goddamn Tony **fuckin’** Stark and you can bet your **ass** I am gonna order pizza at this time.” 

Steve remained quiet. He wasn’t sure if Tony was kidding or…

         “Hello? You there? A pizza ain’t gonna deliver itself y’know.” 

         “I’m here.” He breathed the words softly into the receiver. 

         “Do you think you could pick me up another bottle of whiskey while you’re at it? ‘Ol Jack Daniel should do.” 

         “…” 

         “Hello?”

         “I- uh. Yes?”

         “Okay, then in that case I’ll have a 20-inch pizza with” 

The line went silent.

         “T…Tony?”

         “Shut _up_. I’m trying to think what I should get. Do you do _surprises_? Could you just make a really big pizza with a bunch of surprise toppings and then just send it on over?”

         “…” 

He heard Tony heave a sigh. 

         “ _Yes_ , I’ll tip you a lot so don’t worry ‘bout getting in trouble with your boss.”

         “…”

         “You there? Don’t forget my bottle of— FUCK!”

The line went quiet again and Steve could make out muffled shuffling and the clatter of glass.

         “Okay, maybe make that two bottles.”

         “Tony.” 

         “Eh, actually instead of Jackie d'ya think you could get me some wine? I think it might taste better with the pizza. Really bring out the flavors, y'know?”

         “Tony, I think—” 

         “I think I think I think Ithink Ithink IthinkIthinkthink thought thinked thunk. Is that all you _do_? Just get me the damn stuff and I’ll pay you whatever. I mean after all that’s just _so_ typical Tony, right? Pay his way out of everything and to gain just a lil’ bit of fuckin’ trust from people. FUCK. Y’know? That’s just me. Of course that’s me. Tony bullshit Stark. God… It’s no brainteaser why things are like this…

         Why’d you have to leave…?”

         “…To—”

         “Not _you_ , I’m talking about my friend. Ah but whatever, just bring me the damn pizza and wine.”

         “No.”

         “’Scuse me?”

         “Tell me what’s wrong.”

         “… Look, as much as I love ordering from you guys I never really thought I’d go so low as to rant all of my fuckin’ problems and explain every detail of my messed up, bullshit life to you.”

         “…”

         “But I mean if you are wondering…” 

He heard another heavy sigh through the phone and Tony mutter to himself. _‘I’m not drunk enough to do this.’_ then a breathy laugh.

         “So I guess I better start from the beginning.

It’s not surprising that you already know who I am. I mean c’mon. Tony bullshit Stark right here. Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist?

  
You’re probably thinking that I am just going to yap to you about my origins and how I became the way I am. 

… 

Well you bet your **ass** I am going to so take a seat and listen up.

  
When I was a kid my parents didn’t love me.  
I mean… They didn't express it in your customary ‘parent-child’ relationship. Have _you_ ever had problems with your parents? Maybe have them sigh and shake their heads when you told them you were going to be delivering pizzas for probably the rest of your career?   
Yeah? Well I had none of that.

Oh, you think that's good? Wrong.

  
I couldn't even get fuckin’ reprimanded for slipping something up. My parents… My dad didn't even care. Do you know what that is like? To be _uncared_ for?  
Yeah yeah, I know I am sounding cliché but I think that's only because you don't understand the gravity of the situation here.  
Imagine… Imagine a little boy.

Wait. No.

Scrap that idea, that was a stupid idea, what the _Hell_ is wrong with you?

Imagine a black hole. Do you know what those are? Eh, it's not really important.  
Anyways, black hole.  
Black holes suck in things that get near and destroy. Eliminate. Obliterate. Nada. Nothing. Nil.   
You get the gist? Yeah well… Shit. Okay I totally forgot what I was going for. Probably something angsty like how my heart is a black hole and I feel nothing.   
Well you see, that's the problem too. I _feel_. I feel too even though I don't look like the type. It's probably the suit. You know the suit? I shudder just thinking about it.

I thought the suit was a good idea. It _was_ a good idea at the time. But once you build probably the world’s most destructive weapon and flaunt it around by flying everywhere _pretending_ you're a fuckin’ superhero when you're **not** … And then not letting the government have the designs to the most destructive weapon on Earth… Then you have to be put on a chain and be forced to work as a team with other freaks. 

Not freaks… _Avengers_.

And after working with these people you realize that you're just a piece of good for **nothing** shit?

And on top of _that_ you have to burden the trauma of aliens attacking New York and worrying about every life that is in _danger_? Yes, you heard me right. Aliens. And where do aliens come from? Space. 

I hate space.

There, I said it. Suck my dick, NASA.

When I took that missile up…

Up.  
Up.  
Up.  
Up.  
Up and up. 

That tiny pinhole of darkness kept on getting bigger as I approached with a fuckin’ **nuclear** **missile** in my possession that could easily level the entire city of New York.

I… I thought I was going to die. A sacrifice, y’know? I thought it was _heroic_. Something I never thought in a million years could _ever_ describe me… 

I was trying to do the right thing. You know that, right? I always try…   
I thought I died when I crossed that threshold. My suit stopped functioning and I thought to myself, ‘Well this is it. This is the climax of your life and how do you end it?’  
By being a murderer.  
All those years in my youth with Stark Industries when I thought I was making the world a safer place with really big fucking guns? Boy was I naïve.

But when I was up there. Up _there_ where no human had ever gone before. Where I was **alone** except for a **nuclear missile**.

My last thought was that I could never amount to _him_. Not in a thousand years with a thousand Tony’s. Never. 

 **He** was the true hero. Still is.  
I can honestly say that he’s.  
Well in the beginning I wanted to punch the crap out of him. He was too optimistic for his own good. Optimism doesn't get you anywhere in this fucked up world where friends turn on friends.   
But to be fair, he left us. Me. Left me.

I. 

I’m sorry. 

Those are the words I want to tell him. I've always wanted to tell him.

I'm sorry for acting like a dick all the time.  
I'm sorry for taking things for granted.  
I'm sorry for not caring when you did.  
I'm sorry for…

You know what? He should be sorry too.

How could he do that when he _knew_. When he _knew_ how we all felt. How **I** felt.

But no. No.  
His assassin, robot, 90 some year old, childhood friend is more important.

I was too.

I was his friend **too**.  
Didn't he understand that?  
Didn't he understand how much it **hurt** when he left us? Left **me**?  
Didn't he understand… Heh. 

The papers and news reporters always say how much of a ladies man I am and how flirtatious I can be. I guess I'm not as skilled as they say if I couldn't even get _Captain America_ to pick up on all the hints I was dropping. 

To be honest I'm afraid.

I'm so fucking scared for what is going to happen in the future. 

I.

How come he didn't understand? 

I was trying to help. Always was. Always have. When I created Ultron I wanted to protect the world. _That_ was supposed to be the _pièce de résistance_. It was supposed to help make it easier. Give everyone that moment to just... _breathe_. 

But I guess I ended up suffocating us all more.

I didn’t know. I don’t know. I guess I never _will_ know.

I didn’t _know_ that it would happen. You know that right? That I didn’t know.   
I never wanted this.  
I never wanted us to come undone.   
I tried. I tried so fucking hard.  
You know that right?

I didn’t fight him because I hated him.

I didn’t fight him… I _shouldn’t_ have fought him.  
I shouldn’t have. Shouldn’t have.  
Shouldn’t have. Shouldn’t have.

 **Shouldn’t have**. 

How many times do I have to say it to undo it? Because I would do it. I would say it as many times to take it all back. All of it.

…

I was trying to do the right thing.

  
The right thing? 

… 

He said he would always be here for us. For me.

  
Whenever we need it….  
Whenever we are in trouble... 

What if I need him now? What if I need him all the time? What if I _needed_ him in the past?

And he didn’t come… He didn't _fuckin’_ come. 

It's my fault. What’s wrong with me?

What the _Hell_ is wrong me with?  
I should've said something more.  
Something… 

Up.  
Up.  
Up.  
Up.  
Up and up. 

What goes up must come down, right? 

I feel like I'm crashing.  
Falling.  
Plummeting.  
_Crashing_.

I'm falling so hard and there's no one to catch me and maybe I _am_ better off dead. None of this would've happened if I were dead. 

Dead.

Heh. 

I think I left something up there when I was pretending to be a hero.

My courage.  
My integrity.  
My _humanity_. 

I. 

I loved him. 

Love him.

Maybe it's not my heart that's a black hole. Maybe I _am_ the black hole.

  
And I want to collapse in on myself and disappear from this existence.  
I want to be suspended in nothingness where I can't feel. Can't think. Can't _love_.  
Nothing can hurt me. I can't hurt anything. 

I can't…” 

His voice softened and cracked. 

         “I can't hurt…” 

He covered his face with one hand. He was trembling. 

         “Hurt…” 

He sobbed. 

Why did it **hurt** so much. 

The monotone dial of the phone finally registered in his head. The call had ended.

  
The doorbell rang.   
Tony stumbled to the door and opened it. Everything was a blur. Was it the tears or the fact that he was piss drunk?

A figure stood in the doorway. Tall. Turned to the side. Head bowed.

  
Gold. The first thing Tony noticed was the golden hair.  
Blue. The last thing Tony noticed were the two, pale blue eyes.  
The figure moved slightly.  
The phone slipped from Tony’s hand and clattered against the marble.  
Cheap plastic on marble.  
He swayed to the side.  
The figure spoke quietly.

         “Hey.” 

Tony looked in disbelief. It couldn’t be. It _couldn’t_ be.

  
This was impossible. He was just dreaming. **Dreaming**.  
He moved to close the door.  
He hadn’t called Steve. Didn’t have the **guts** to call him.  
It _wasn’t_ him.

The door stopped as he tried to close it.

A hand.

Steve pushed the door open and Tony felt his knees go _weak_.  
He opened the door wider and they faced one another.

         “Sorry…

         I forgot the wine.”

Tony laughed. He wasn’t sure if he was laughing because of Steve’s attempt to joke around or if he was laughing in astonishment that _he_ was actually there. He was actually _here_.

And as crooked as his smile was and as high-pitched and choppy as his laughter was, the tears wouldn’t stop.

         “Tony I…” Steve closed the door behind him and took a step toward him. 

He staggered backwards and felt his strength fail him. Everything came crashing.

He was crashing.  
Falling.  
Plummeting.  
_Crashing_.

And Steve was there to catch him.

His strong arms held his sides in a secure hold.

                   “I’m here for you… just like I said I would be, right?” 

Tony pressed his tear-stained face against Steve’s chest and sobbed into him. 

His courage.  
His integrity.  
His _humanity_. 

He **needed** him. Needed him all the time. Needed him in the past, needed him in the future, needed him _now_.

And he was here. He was _fuckin’_ here.

Steve held Tony close and the only thing Tony could understand was how much he loved him. Always had. Always will.

Steve supported him as his legs gave out from underneath him and he.  
He was entirely in Steve’s arms now. Entirely dependent on him.  
Entirely.  
Entirely _his_.

He couldn’t hurt now. Wasn’t hurting.

The smell of Steve infiltrated his nose as he was crushed against the blond’s chest. He latched onto the smooth, brown leather jacket Steve wore and gripped it tightly.

He felt like a child in the childhood he never got to experience, knowing that someone cared for him. Really fucking _cared_ for him.  
His eyelids fell heavy with the stupor of being drunk.  
Being exhausted.

* * *

The sunlight filtered in softly through the bedroom windows and slowly stirred him awake.

He exhaled faintly and his eyes fluttered open.  
He looked down and saw the familiar, brown jacket on top of him, but no one to claim it back. A sense of guilt pitted in his stomach and he sat up. He groaned and brought a hand to his temple. Just as he was about to stand up to look for something to drink, the door opened.

Steve stood in the doorway with a glass of water and medicine in one hand. His face lit up when he saw that Tony was awake.

         “Good mornin'. Party too hard last night?” 

Tony smiled.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for sticking around and reading this short story to the end!  
> It really means a lot to me when you leave a comment or give this work a kudos, but it really means a lot more to me considering the fact that you've even read one of my works!  
> I am so grateful to have such kind supporters, and I'd just like to thank you all for also bearing with any potential discrepancy in characterization of the various characters I have made! 
> 
> Thank you for sticking around and I hope you have a phenomenal remainder of the day!
> 
> P.S. If you have any requests/would like to read about a certain event or AU feel free to leave a comment or message me on my [Tumblr](http://solotrooper.tumblr.com)!


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